During my gap years, I didn’t have an issue sitting down and studying every day. That level of discipline made me feel like I was getting closer to my dream. The hard part was feeling like I was stuck, while everyone else was moving on with their lives.
My friends from college bought their first houses, got real jobs, and got married. I lived in a basement and worked two minimum wage jobs for clinical exposure and a publication. Everything felt like a ball and chain, while my peers were getting a first-class ticket to the rest of their lives.
I worked as a physical therapy technician for three years. The pay was low and didn’t require my degree, but it got me experience working directly with patients. That was enough.
I was having Chipotle on my lunch break one day, and a guy I had gone to high school with walked in. He and a group of other erudite-looking dudes walked in wearing their button-downs and sunglasses. I looked down at my uniform, a polo and brown pants, and felt inferior. What’s more, I could see the optimism in the way they walked. They had it figured out, and they knew it.
I felt ridiculous. Like I was stuck in first, making a feeble attempt to roll my clunker uphill.
I kept working, and you already know that it paid off. That’s not the point. I want you to know that I have a deep, intimate knowledge of comparison mindset.
That comparison is even worse during gap years, my friends. Think about it. In undergrad, you technically have a job that’s directed at your goal. You can say the same about med school and residency. You’re on the train.
Gap years are different.
You’re spinning your wheels at the train station, studying, working, and praying that you’ll earn a ticket by the time the next train arrives.
Those years are the absolute worst for comparison mindset.
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Nuggets of Advice
If I could go back and talk to my stressed-out 22-year-old self, I would have a few words of wisdom to give him:
Enjoy this time while you have it. It will be another 8 years before you finish, so fill this time with things that make you happy.
Keep at the things that fill your cup. For me, that was drawing, playing guitar, and learning new languages. I wish I had kept those hobbies through residency, but they withered away while I focused most of my energy on learning and working.
Start meditating and doing yoga. Now. If I had started a mindfulness practice before getting to med school, I might have circumvented the panic attacks that landed me a psych diagnosis and a few urgent care visits.
In Closing
It’s cliché, but do the things that build you up in this time, while you still have it. Build a healthy inner narrative. Strengthen your body. Eat well. Find a spiritual practice. Those things will make you stronger in the present and will make you impervious to comparison. They’ll even give you a deeper reserve for the hard years that lie ahead.
Best of luck, everyone. If this resonated, please subscribe and share it with a friend who could use it. If you’re struggling, please don’t hesitate to reach out with questions. I read every message.
Cheers,
Dr. Joe Klaus
The stigma around taking gap years is very odd. I always found it difficult to understand why so many pre-meds were afraid of taking a gap year or many gap years. I didn't have my life figured out when I first joined a BS/MD program, but I have learned what it means to be a physician and the values behind it because I took the time to doubt my ego and learn whether I truly wanted to continue in the program. It was the best decision of my life to keep learning more about the profession rather than jumping straight into anatomy or immunology.
Fun fact: I was told that I shouldn't become a doctor, which piqued my interest to learn more about why that was.
The Chipotle paragraph is the one that will land, because comparison is always that specific: a uniform, a pair of sunglasses, four seconds of watching somebody walk. I moved across the country, quit my job and went back to school for two and a half years, and the part nobody warns you about is that everyone around you is visibly progressing on a schedule you volunteered to step off of. The thing I would add to your list is that the three years as a PT tech were not the detour they felt like. Putting hands on that many patients builds a kind of pattern recognition you cannot go back and acquire later, and it is still paying out for me more than a decade in.